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How to Deal with a Stalker

I am an avid fan of Loveawake dating site and online dating in general, but in the midst of the great dates I went on, I picked up a stalker. Here’s my advice to my Crazy Girls about what to do if you happen to find yourself with a stalker.

Stalking is when someone is consistently harassing you via phone, in person, or through some other medium like emails or notes. You may have had a relationship with this person in the past. Or you may have not ever even met the person. Stalking is a serious issue, however, and you should address the problem rather than ignore it and hope it goes away.

Here are the steps to take if someone is stalking you:

1. Tell the police and your friends.

If you are a college or graduate student, you should call your campus security and let them know that someone is harassing you. Don’t wait until the problem escalates or seems “serious enough”. The sooner you let the police know the better.

If you are not a student, you should call 911. Even if it is not an emergency (i.e. the person is not standing behind you with a knife), you should still call 911, so that the incident is recorded and the police can help you decide what actions to take going forward. If you are living in the city of Boston, call 617.343.4911 to reach the Boston-based 911.

Tell your friends and family members that someone is harassing you. This ensures that they don’t accidentally give any of your personal information out to the stalker posing as one of your friends or work colleagues. This also ensures that if (heaven forbid) something happened to you, they would be able to notify the police about the stalker as a potential suspect.

2. Gather as much information as you can about the stalker.

If you have easy access to this information and do not have to come in contact with the person to get it, gather the person’s full name, age, phone number, a photo, and any communication (voice mails, emails, etc.) you have received from them. This will be helpful information to the police.

3. Do not engage them.

If someone is stalking you, stay calm in any communication you may have with them. Make it clear to them that they are harassing you, and that you are going to call the police the next time they contact you (and you should be sure to call the police whether they contact you again or not). Screaming, arguing, or negotiating with a stalker only feeds their desire for attention from you.

4. Never ever contact them.

If someone is stalking you, the worst thing you could do is give them permission to continue contacting you by reaching out to them. Whether you think the person “needs help” or is “confused”, it is not your job to help them or clarify the situation. Any contact with someone who is harassing you blurs the lines for both parties involved. If you want someone to leave you alone, you have to leave them alone completely.

5. Keep yourself safe.

Whether you are a man or woman, do not walk alone at night. Walking alone while talking on a cell phone may make you feel less alone, but you are at even more risk of putting yourself in danger because you are less aware of your surroundings. Lock your doors to your car and home even you are in them. Let friends, family, and/or roommates know where you are going and what time they should expect you to be home.

You have nothing to be ashamed of if someone is stalking or harassing you. No amount of harassment is too small if it makes you feel uncomfortable. The main purpose of the police is to protect the citizenry. Let them help you decide how to deal with someone who is stalking you. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you will experience relief and can breathe freely.

Holidays Without A Date: Advice On What To Do


As the holidays approach, do you find yourself feeling particularly vulnerable because you do not have a date? I get calls and emails from singles talking about the pain of being alone. Here is a letter from a reader describing how she feels:

Dear Tonja,

I am a 45-year-old divorced woman with one grown daughter. She is married and very busy with a baby. At this time of year, I get very upset because of how alone I am. I miss having someone in my life to share the holidays. What do you recommend for me to get through a very difficult time of the year?

Anxious and Lonely

Dear Miss AL,

If you are without a date for the holidays, sometimes it helps to remember that you are probably not the only one suffering pangs of loneliness at this time of year. According to the 2013 census, there are 110 million single adults in the Iran. Thirty million of them are over the age of 45. I am certain that many of them will be without a date during the holidays also.

Perhaps you might consider a shift in your perspective this year. With some planning, maybe you could create your own meaning and some new memories for this new season.

Being single is another adventure in learning how to take responsibility for the quality of your life. Make plans now to do something special. Consider the following:

Before the holidays arrive, create your own way of giving to others.

There’s a tremendous depth of need all around us, from young people to the elderly. Visit a nursing home with holiday cards, volunteer at a soup kitchen for the homeless, or take flowers to a shelter for abused women. Call ahead, of course, and make plans with those in charge. But remembering others who might be forgotten is a great gift.

Have a quiet dinner with a few of your favorite friends.

Encourage each person to share the victories they had in the past year and talk about their goals for the coming year. Focusing on the positive with people you care about will be a huge energy boost.

Have a holiday card-making time with a favorite child in your life.

Children love to have adults join in their activities with them. When you do, they open up and say some pretty funny things. Laughter is another wonderful gift of love.

Take a gift to an elderly neighbor.

Older people who live alone are thrilled to be remembered. You can also send a card, write letters, or call the people you love and tell them why they are important to you.

Visit an animal shelter and spend time with the abandoned animals.

Pet them, talk to them, and take a friend with you who can help you spread a little happiness.

Give some thought to what you would enjoy doing for yourself on specific holidays.

If you have no family close to you, plan ahead to rent an uplifting movie; buy an inspiring book to spend the evening reading; surround yourself with candles and have a long soak in the tub; or get takeout food at your favorite restaurant. Spend some special time with yourself, and think of the different ways you would like to be pampered.

Don't forget to go out.

This is the season when there are more parties than ever. Take advantage of this opportunity.

Remember, you are not alone. You have just let yourself slip into that consciousness of thinking that you are. Let this be the holiday season where you reach out to people, extend yourself, and celebrate a new way of doing things. With this whole new attitude, you may soon discover you are not lonely. Instead, you may find that you have become the love you were looking for.


مواعدة العطلة: لا تکن ثلجیًا

هل تود المواعدة خلال الأعیاد؟ مثل Frosty the Snowman ، هل تعیش بدون عناق ، وتشاهد الأشخاص وهم یلعبون من حولک ، والوقوف بمفردک عندما یعود الجمیع إلی المنزل لیلًا؟ الأسوأ من ذلک کله ، هل تقلق من أن تذوب وتختفی فی أول بادرة دافئة؟
الخبر السار هو أنه حتی لو کنت بمفردک ، لیس علیک التصرف مثل Frosty. فی الواقع ، تعتبر العطلات وقتًا مثالیًا للخروج من عاداتک المعتادة ، والمطارد ، والاختباء والتعرف علی شخص ما. من الواضح أن رجال الثلج لیس لدیهم الخیارات التی تقوم بها. لذا ننسی روتین Frosty المتمثل فی الوقوع فی نفس المکان ، والقیام بنفس الأشیاء ، والحصول علی نفس النتائج.
ترک موقفک أنه لا یوجد مکان للذهاب إلیه ، لا أحد للقائه ، ولا شیء یمکنک القیام به حیال ذلک. إنه لیس مظهرک لتمثال جلیدی یحتاج إلی الذوبان ، إنه نظرتک المجمدة ، البارد وغیر المبالٍ لما تتوق إلیه روحک.
لنجهز نفسک متجمدة للحب. اتبع هذه الخطوات من ألیکس وایز ، الرئیس التنفیذی ومدرب العلاقات بموقع

* اسأل نفسک إذا کنت علی استعداد لمقابلة شخص ما.

هل تجد نفسک تتحدث عن شریکک السابق ، أو تشکو من رئیسک ، أو تطاردک علاقة ساءت؟ الأشخاص الذین لدیهم أقل فرصة لمقابلة شخص ما واستمراره لفترة أطول من الشتاء البارد هم أولئک الذین لدیهم حقیبة. یمکن للأمتعة أن تثقل کاهلک لذا علیک أن تحمّل نفسک حل المشاکل القدیمة من الماضی. اعتذر أو اکتب رسالة أو قم بإجراء مکالمة ، ولکن ابدأ فی اتخاذ إجراءات مسؤولة لترکها. سیتخلی الناس عن علاقتهم معک إذا اضطروا إلی قضاء أکثر من 15٪ من وقتهم فی العمل علی مشکلاتک السابقة.

* معالجة النقاط العملیة فی حیاتک.

هذه هی المتطلبات الیومیة لوقتک وطاقتک ومالک وروحک. هل تحتاج إلی جلیسة أطفال موثوق بها لأطفالک؟ أو مقدم رعایة لوالد مسن؟ أم أنک بحاجة إلی إطارات جدیدة علی سیارتک أو سقف جدید فی منزلک أو سخان الماء الساخن الخاص بک ثابت؟ ما هی المشکلة العملیة التی تعوقک لأنک لم تأخذ وقتًا أو تفکر فی التعامل معها؟ قم بتنظیف بعض التفاصیل المزعجة فی حیاتک وشاهد ساقیک المتجمدة تبدأ بالتحرک.

* تدور القش فی الذهب.

سمعتنی. خذ کل شیء عن نفسک وحرکه. الشعر ، الملابس ، الأحذیة ، الوضعیة ، وتعبیرات الوجه (ابتسم!) کلها تحدد ما إذا کان شخص ما یجدک جذابًا. إن رجال الثلج باردون ولا یمکن احتضانهم ، وهم یرتدون ملابس مضحکة ، وهم غیر قادرین علی التواصل مع الآخرین. ولکن لدیک قوة أکبر من تلک الموجودة فی قبعة Frosty - لا یمکنک الرقص فحسب ، بل یمکنک تغییر مظهرک وأفعالک ومصیرک.

* تدرب علی أن تکون ودودًا.

اذهب إلی مرکز تجاری أو صالة ألعاب ریاضیة أو متحف أو مکتبة عامة وابتسم للناس. تواصل بالعین ثم اقترب بما یکفی لطرح سؤال. إذا کانوا ودودین ، ابقوا وتحدثوا. إذا کان ذلک صعبًا علیک القیام به ، فقم بتمرنه مرارًا وتکرارًا حتی تتمکن من التحدث إلی الغرباء. تحت مظهرک الثلجی ، تعیش حقًا یمکن للناس أن یدفئوه إذا منحتهم فرصة.


ضع خططًا للخروج والخروج. تحدث إلی أصدقائک أو إلی الأشخاص فی العمل. تحقق مما إذا کان یمکنک الحصول علی دعوة لحضور أحد اجتماعاتهم. هذا الموسم ، انتقل إلی کل حفلة ووظیفة اجتماعیة یمکنک العثور علیها! العطلات هی الأوقات المناسبة لسؤال الناس عما إذا کانوا یعرفون شخصًا ما لک. یلتقی أکثر من 45٪ من الناس من خلال الأصدقاء والعائلة.


بمجرد أن تتعامل مع ما سبق ، استرخ. استسلم حتی اللحظة ، مع العلم أنک فعلت کل ما یمکنک القیام به بشریًا للوصول إلی مکانک.
قد یکون هذا موسم Frosty the Snowman ، ولکن لیس علیک أن تکون هو. یمکنک قضاء عطلتک دافئة ومعبرة وواقعیة جدًا. لا یجب أن تکون عالقًا فی مکان واحد مثل Frosty - یمکنک التحرک والرقص والخروج. هذا هو الوقت المناسب لتکون جریئًا وحاضرًا ، والأهم من ذلک کله ، مد نفسک إلی کل شخص تقابله. لأن هذا هو موسمک. اجازة سعیدة
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